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Date: 2020-12-09 06:09 am (UTC)[ They did push her. Their actions are the reason why she lost control... why she let loose, why she did what she did. ]
...but it's still a choice I made. I heard the dark voice in my head and I agreed with it.
[ They were bad people. They tortured her and so many others... but to Yuzu, that feels like nothing more than a flimsy excuse for her choice. ]
The only thing I can do now is try and atone for what I've done... even if I've already become a bad person.
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Date: 2020-12-09 07:24 am (UTC)I- [ Easy. ] I don't think it's that easy to say someone's a bad person, Yuzu. Especially if you've been forced into it. Like all of us have.
[ ... ]
The, um, the voice? What'd it sound like?
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Date: 2020-12-09 03:10 pm (UTC)Um... sometimes it sounded like a woman I've never met... other times it sounded like me...
[ Said-woman being the Fog God, but since she's refused to communicated with either of the gods, she doesn't know what any of them sound like. ]
cw: untreated mental illness; intrusive thoughts
Date: 2020-12-10 05:05 am (UTC)Riley lets out a slow breath. ]
That's... There's clearly some kind of...of outside influence. Someone told me things like this just kind of...happen, in Ryslig.
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Date: 2020-12-10 05:26 am (UTC)...I know. I know that voice was probably just another thing that happens here...
[ She knows that voice was hardly her own. She dealt with it the entire week she was trapped inside a cage being "trained". ]
But I agreed with it. I was set free and it asked me if I wanted to make them pay.
[ A beat. ]
I said yes. That's my sin. I could have chosen to fight it, even if just for a little bit, but I didn't. I only started fighting it when I realized that I hurt someone important to me.
[ She turns to face Riley and smiles. It looks and feels bittersweet, but it isn't forced. ]
Thanks for taking me here... it helped. Hopefully I can help you in return someday.
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Date: 2020-12-10 10:53 pm (UTC)Riley continues to look troubled. Like she can't accept this, but— but she can't argue against it. ]
Of course... But just- just focus on helping yourself right now, okay? You've been through a lot.
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Date: 2020-12-10 11:08 pm (UTC)So, now she found herself trying to find a way to atone. She notes Riley's troubled look... is it because she doesn't understand what Yuzu is saying, or is she uncomfortable being around her... being around someone who killed so recently. ]
Right... thanks, Riley.
[ Some time has passed since Riley's arrived... about the same amount of time before Yuzu's own first changes. ]
If you ever need help with, well, anything... let me know. I'll be sure to help out however I can.
[ And with another bittersweet smile, she begins to leave. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-12 06:41 am (UTC)But. ]
Take... Take care, okay?
[ But.
It was becoming a monster, put in this situation, that made Yuzu lash out. But, for Riley...
Maybe you've been a monster this whole time.
It's the thought she doesn't want to entertain. The thought she keeps circling back to. The thought that back home kept her paralyzed, unable to shake the feeling that she really fucked up.
So she lets Yuzu leave. She stays on the roof, contemplating, for a time she can't fully comprehend. ]