songstressedout | IC Inbox

[ Everyone's needed a little time to breathe after the circus. However, Riley worries she's taken...a little too much time.

Bavan is a big city. Not, like, New York big, but bigger than the town she lives in, bigger than most places. It's a bit overwhelming, especially on your own. So, though the thought has crossed her mind, multiple times, she hasn't...really been able to seek out Yuzu.

Yet, the other girl's terrified expression won't leave her head. She sees it in her mind's eye, with all the other terrified expressions, taking seat like it lives there. Which, honestly, isn't entirely fair, it's not like Riley did anything to cause this one, it's not fair that it's mixed up there, with the team from that night, replaying on loop as she tries to sleep, mixing with the countdown of when she'll one day start warping and changing—

It's all there in her head. Like everything is. Squealing and screeching, not giving her a moment's rest. It's why she goes on runs, not out to the cemetery this time, but just...around the city. Trying to empty her mind of everything but her beating heart.

It's funny, then, that while out on today's run, while trying to put all that away in its box, it sneaks up on her. Well, no, it's right there, in broad daylight.

Yuzu, minding her own business, just across the street.

Part of Riley wants to turn tail and run, a sneaking stabbing guilt clawing at her insides. The rest of her, however, the louder part, immediately changes her trajectory. Honestly, she barely looks both ways before crossing the road, a stupid thing to do but Riley is nothing if not impulsive, despite her meticulous, control freak nature. Little things like that, beautiful contradictions. ]

Yuzu...! [ She calls out when she's almost to her. Luckily, she hasn't been on her run for too long, so she's not sweaty and fatigued. ] Oh my gosh, hey, are you- how are you?

[ Yuzu's eyes widen. She's been... trying to act like herself. Try to heal... which wasn't going well when she was locking herself in her room, so she tried to make herself go outside again. ]

R-Riley...?

[ As for Yuzu's physical state... well, her blackened arms look completely fine, though the rest of her now has more bandages than when she and Riley first met. ]

I-I... I'm fine...

[ Yeah, sure she is. ]

[ Riley locks onto the bandages. She wonders if they’re because of...the wispy nature her arms took on the first time they met, or... ]

I’m sorry I didn’t come back for you, I kept trying but everything was so crazy.

[ She is...fussing. ]

Don't be, I'm just glad you're okay...

[ Well, it's certainly not because of her arms, since they aren't covered at all. The bandages mostly cover the parts of her arms that aren't wispy, and even seem to extend further under her clothes. ]

I was... I was afraid you might've been hurt in what happened afterward...

[ If it's not the arms... Well, Riley's going to look closer. The phrase mother hen comes to mind. ]

What? Oh, no, I was fine. [ And for once, she actually means it. ] No one hurt me, I...mostly kept out of sight.

You... Did that man hurt you?

[ Yuzu's breath catches and she suddenly looks down. ]

My... the black parts of my arms don't feel pain if something pierces them. But one time, his aim was a little off...

[ It's probably for the best that Riley wasn't there to see that. In any case, that doesn't explain the extensive bandaging. ]

M-Most of this came after, though...

[ I should've stabbed him. I should've just gone for it. I should've fucking stabbed that bastard's fucking jugular—

For once? Riley finds herself not disagreeing with the twisted voice that hisses in her ears. Riley finds herself regretting that she didn't do that herself. ]

That disgusting... [ One hand curls to a fist, but the other is hovering, above Yuzu's head, as if she's just a step away from pulling her aside and looking for any wounds she might've missed. ]

After...? You mean after those jerks dragged me away? What did they do to you...?

[ Well... Riley may not have to worry about that. ]

Oh, no I mean... when everything went crazy and we all got set free...

[ She doesn't realize it, but her eyes are watering. ]

It's... it's not what they did to me... it's what I did to them...

What...?

[ Riley doesn't need to ask that question. She saw MacCready. She saw Giorno. She hears her own insistent, creative thoughts.

She doesn't need to ask. ]

You...lashed out at them. Didn't you.

[ Yuzu's breath stops for a moment, and for a moment, one could swear that the blackened parts of her arms got wispier. ]

I just... I was set free and then I saw them...

[ She trembles a bit. ]

Something just asked me what I wanted to do to them... and suddenly my arms were longer and sharper and...

[ Talking about this was hurting. She thought she could keep herself together but the guilt is tightening around her neck like a noose again. She still remembers how easy and satisfying it was when her arms changed into claws that cut easily through the people who hurt her. ]

[ Riley doesn't need to wonder why it feels like she's listening to this from far away. She doesn't need to be curious about why she feels suddenly lightheaded. She swallows down a lump in her throat. ]

You were...affected by whatever was... Whatever everyone else was.

[ A wavering tone to her voice. This isn't... This isn't the place to talk about this. Riley goes to take Yuzu's arm, gently. ]

Is there, um...anywhere you like to be in the city? Anywhere...comforting?

I... I don't...

[ There wasn't exactly anywhere she considered comforting in this city. ]

I don't know... it feels crowded everywhere I go...

[ Well, that's... ]

What about... Do you know of anywhere people don't go? Somewhere quiet?

I...

[ There wasn't a lot of places as far as she knew in Bavan, besides the top of buildings (that she was at one point carried up to by a friend when her changes started hurting in the middle of the sidewalk and she was taking up space in the crowd. ]

Does a roof work...?

[ With a determined little nod, Riley starts leading Yuzu through the city streets. ]

Come with me.

[ Not like she's giving her much of a choice... They're closer to Hestia's Place than far from it, so that's her go-to, as...it's the only place she really has access. ]

E-Eh? Um, okay...

[ Well, it's not like she doesn't trust Riley, so she lets her lead Yuzu to wherever she wants to take her. ]

[ Riley doesn't say anything more until they reach Hestia's Place. It's... Well, she's not sure she's allowed up on the roof, but nothing in particular is stopping them. ]

Come on, up this way.

[ Elevator, a set of stairs... And here they are. A nice rooftop, no one else around. ]

[ It feels... refreshing. Nobody around, an open space... or at least the feeling of one. ]

Oh...

[ She looks a little more relaxed, even if only a little. ]

[ Just the open air... ]

Is that a little better? [ She sounds softer than Yuzu's heard her before. Gentle. ] Sometimes... Sometimes just not being around anyone else can help a little.

[ Her eyes water a bit at the softness in Riley's voice, but she quickly wipes them away. ]

Yeah... yeah it is...

[ She takes a few shaky breaths. The open air feels nice on her face. ]

[ The reassuring smile Riley musters up doesn't feel forced. She puts a very gentle hand on Yuzu's shoulder. ]

If...you don't have a lot of places like this, you can come by whenever you want. No one'll...look at you, or...or anything. Not even me, if you don't want it.

[ Oh... oh a tear managed to break past and fall down her cheek. ]

Thanks... this is... this is really nice...

[ She takes another shaky breath and wraps her arms around herself. ]

I'm... I'm sorry you had to see me like this... or see me like that.

[ It feels so... damsel-like, to be in these situations. ]

[ She doesn't get closer. In fact, she withdraws a little, so Yuzu can have some space, some room to breathe.

While she understands, very much so, Riley is firm in her response. ]

You shouldn't apologize for something they did to you. [ She strives to keep herself soft and gentle. To not let the fury she's feeling enter her voice. ] They're the ones who put you there. In that place, and...and pushed you to that.

You're probably right...

[ They did push her. Their actions are the reason why she lost control... why she let loose, why she did what she did. ]

...but it's still a choice I made. I heard the dark voice in my head and I agreed with it.

[ They were bad people. They tortured her and so many others... but to Yuzu, that feels like nothing more than a flimsy excuse for her choice. ]

The only thing I can do now is try and atone for what I've done... even if I've already become a bad person.

[ ...Stay soft and gentle. Stay soft and gentle. Stay soft and— ]

I- [ Easy. ] I don't think it's that easy to say someone's a bad person, Yuzu. Especially if you've been forced into it. Like all of us have.

[ ... ]

The, um, the voice? What'd it sound like?

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ACTION | Around Bavan

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cw: untreated mental illness; intrusive thoughts

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